Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I find tentacles so appealing.

Hello baked experience

Today/Night I'm making Brownies!
What a experience it will be! New joys to be had for sure, Today was a lovely day although it seemed as if everything was tightly sealed in a zip lock bag, what i mean by this is i felt as though i was still on drugs... but i wasn't. It was sunny but i decided to wear a jumper..... i felt ill but had nothing on underneath.. I had discussions with people i normally don't talk to and that was lovely! I hope the new discussions spark a desire of others to speak to me often! Also i got my report back and received good marks so it's something to be proud off. Tonight will be a tribute to my efforts although i think i may put more effort in! But thank you premeditated fate for giving me a lovely and wonder filled day! hopefully this evening shall be as joy full!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

pop'n them


The little guys who sleep in foil. One makes me see things and sleepy the other makes me feel ill and burnie.. They are crazy but help heaps! i can see how people get addicted!! furrr shurrre!


I have become addicted to downloading music since this weekend. I have found so many artists! and new loves, If i can't dance i can still groove and listen to beats.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Doing it alone.

I dislocated my "patella" yesterday and now i have realised how hard it is to look after oneself with one leg. i can't turn on my TV, it takes 15 minutes longer to transport a drink from one room the the next, the frustration is unbearable. I'm confused as to why dad is offering no help... Why do i have to do it alone.. If he was in my situation he would undoubtedly have everyone waiting on him. Yet he chucks me my boxes of pain killers and a bottle of water he found in my kitchen and leaves... I don't know how to deal with this situation... Now I'm completely dependant on people in a completely independent environment. How am i going to do this for 6 weeks?!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Splish Splash.

The "deep" thing is still bothering me...

"my depths will consume you, Much like a fat guy consuming a tripple quater pounder, Haven't you heard? i'm a mother fucking lake"

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The best.

Some times you just have a great day where everything just goes your way.
Today was one of those days, Asif everything has a white glow and you over use the phrase " it's all good!"
Today My hair looked nice along with my make up (small things make my days) I Had art first period witch continued on for the other two periods of my school day. Recess was lovely! spent with Raphael, Jason , Doug and Rhi. Sitting in the sunshine and generally enjoying each others company! Then got a lift down the street with Jason And Nemo. I checked my bank account. I knew that it should of had around $20 for sure and when i checked it.. it had a one before the amount i SHOULD of had! As Nemo said " A bank error in your favour collect $100". Thank you lifeoply!! Then while at country noodle i contacted Liam and we met up and he gave me a whole heap more then expected of posters!! It was a lovely thing to receive and for him to do!
Then while Nemo and Jason ate there country noodles i went to St Vincents ( VINNNNIES!!!!!!)
And when there i found A fantastic blue checked coat! checked pants and a checked shirt to wear to youth Olympics and a beautiful clip on tie along with a lovely vest and And a David Jones blazer witch can be used for school and for the 18th I'm attending on the weekend!!
All this cost me $22! Bargains do exist!
After this i walked back to school and hung out with Nemo, he tried to teach me to play the guitar but quickly realised i sucked and stopped i was fine listening to him play. He is pretty good.. But brilliant at base!
After that Nemo and I went to the bus bay and chatted. Then Douglas came! and the day was even better!! Talk about perfect days! The bus ride home was a happy experience as always!!
These days i wonder about the most! i wonder if anyone else has the same kind of day as well as me? Or if i have some kind of glow about myself! all i know is that these a magical days and should be cherished!

Monday, March 22, 2010

The simple gift.

As i listen to the mixed CD Emi-lie Emi-loo made me. i can't help but beam! The smallest things fill me with so much joy!!

Thank you, you pretty girl with very long hair!!!
You are the epitome of wonder full

Saturday, March 20, 2010

What I think of you.

You are vanity personified, You are everything I hate, You are selfish, malicious, Ignorant.
You think that you and your wife and son are the only people on earth, but you have forgotten you have two children. I'm sorry I'm not your Son.. I'm sorry my mother turned out to be something you would rather sweep under the rug along with me. I'm Sorry that I'm hate full to you.. you gave me life but i can't love you. You treat me as if i have value As if i could sit on your shelf the only time you acknowledge me is when i achieve then i go back to the shelf i came from. I dance and entertain your friends.. You know nothing off me.. We are so distant that the bonds of birth have been completely lost.. you make me live in a separate house, You make me pay you money, you steel from me, I allow you.
you make me so angry i want to scream all of my repressed emotions at you. but every time i bite my tongue. You are why I can't handle my emotions you are why I care more about my friends then you. You are not my family you are my Nemesis And always will be, because you have let me slip away and become like this. full of hate and bitterness, emotions i despise!

We will never be normal. You don't even know what i want to be when I grow up. Nor do you care.
It hurts the most because you know what i have to deal with, With my mother You are supposed to help me be strong. but you have made me weak and fragile.

You do not deserve me. And i wish you only knew.....

it's wabbit season.

I woke up at 6am this morn, to do what you ask? To kill i say.
This morning was so very lovely considering the brutality i had planned. Doug and i put on our cammo and ventured forth into the unknowns of "out back Ranga-roo"
Our target were the many thousands of inbred bunnies that live in the scrub. Our weapon! compound bow MOTHER FUCKERRRRRR!
Did we kill? To be honest.. No.
Did we kick ass.... Yes.
It was brilliant! I want to kill bunnies more often!
I even got to have an arrow ricochet of some trees :)
I have no idea what we would of done if we actually hit one of the bunnies!
Owell in my opinion waking up early was totally worth it!
Perhaps instead of the bow I'll bite the heads of the cute furry 4 toed fucks next time...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

As I stood.

Today i stood on one spot in Lithgow plaza for over twenty minutes, I seemingly went unnoticed although i was holding a plastic bag filled with lettuce, Anyway. As I stood i noticed the many people who walked by and upon that spot i discovered.
1) I'm terrified of age! I feel that perhaps I'm in my prime now, What if i become horribly disfigured with age? As much as i love cats i don't want them to be my only relationship at the age of 50.
2) I wondered if any of the many people who drifted past me had been in my exact position at my age and this is what they had become, stuck in Lithgow for the remaining of there lives as if in limbo. I feared that these people had also had no idea what they wanted to do in life... just played it cool until there was no remaining options left... What if my ultimate fate is to remain in Lithgow for the rest of my life, being the weird old lady with two many cats who stands out the front of Cole's with a bag of lettuce.
i really hope that's not what i become! But if i have no idea of what i want to be is it decided for me?
Dear age.. you are a bitch and i hope you stay away from me!

I need a hero.

This is to you rando Formspring abuser! I can only assume if you stalk my formspring you stalk my blog :) Yes you make me feel higher then you!

I will try and make this as deep as possible.

In my opinion anonymous abuse is the lowest form of abuse! So much is wrong with being cowardly!
but i must admit i find it funny and upsetting at the same time. As soon as it happens i try to think of anyone who would want to make me upset. Then i get angry that someone would be so low as to do it secretly. You gain so much less when you do things secretly. But i guess the lovely thing is i make my assumptions and yes the result is filthy! Slutty and cunty all at the same time.

Congrats at making me lose even more respect for you!
Douglas you are awesome and as the caronna box in my bed room says " Doug kicks shit" That you do...
You and Brittani are my hero's stay cool and continue to influence me!

Monday, March 15, 2010


You are what drives me! you are my reward at the end of the day, and today i want you early.
Today i was tired when i woke up, that didn't give me much hope for the rest of the day!
On the bus, little was said. Douglas was missing from our threesome and Brittani and I lack the enthusiasm Doug normally provides.
The day got worse... the sun called to me at recess so i laid on the concrete and bathed in it's glory.
Class work was boring and i didn't bring a pen....
Lunch was wild.
Home, now I'm still tired.

A new love, hacked!

This is a love of mine, Hacky sack and I. But I write in true sadness, for fear I may have to hang up my sack...
It all started a while ago When my friend group at school started playing hacky sack it looked so overwhelming from a distance that i couldn't help but want to join in!
At first i was awful... and Nemo and Elias made fun of me for my capabilities at sucking at sack!
But i kept trying because i was in love!
Admittedly Nemo said i was improving, So i reaped the rewards at lunch and recess bouncing the small ball of my knee's and toes.
But I have a problem... i kick... And this leads to the hacky sack landing on the roof.
Every single hacky sack i have played with... has ended up on a roof or behind a heater or on a high shelf.. (due to my height, inaccessible!)
This has lead to me being BANNED from hacky sack.... ( By Nemo... the jerk)
The rules..
I can stand in the hacky circle as long as i don't do anything.
I can play with my own hacky sack but not Nemo's.
I am starting to agree with Nemo, i really aren't any good. Just today i was hacking by myself under a roof... a small over hang below the roof caught my hacky sack... So even when below a roof my hacky sack ends upon it.
I don't know if this will continue forever.. But i do know that TSHSFYNC.. ( The Secret Hacky Sack, Fuck You Nemo Crew) pronounced "tshhh fink" made up of the select few known as Michael, Emily and Maddie, Are starting a rebellion against the hacky sack repressors!!!
I will hack to the death... My brutality will continue and Nemo...
You can suck my sack.....

Sunday, March 14, 2010

For the first.

Human morality is something that is hard to find. We all have a set of 'built in' morals but we very rarely use them, why is that so!
I would like to plead to humanity or at least my generation of cunt's and crack whores to start to use those shriveled set of rules that remain deep in your hearts because we are losing so much!

I don't understand it. I believe it is something that every living thing on earth strives for, An unknown force that compels us. But have I really ever felt it? How do we know if it's all the same? Does anyone else 'love' pizza shapes the same way I do? I'm scared that I will never know if I have found love before I die.
"I just don't get it"

This wouldn't be a teenagers blog with out some cliche teenage angst! Why is it all so hard!
But seriously it's not that I wouldn't complain if things were so easy, because I'm sure it would become boring... But there are so many complications that occur because we make them harder ourselves! both my headings lead to this hardship. We Love but make it harder by not being sure if it's love or lust or even friendship and this leads us on a path to more confusion with "do they like me back" or is it "love me back"
I would like to think If some people indeed had more morality then less pain would be in the world and until then I'll just wait...